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They say we are asleep until we fall in love...

April was very eventful. Cody announced, on his birthday, that he had bought us tickets to New York City to see The Great Comet in June. I cried...who else can say they have a husband willing to be a 3rd wheel to Josh Groban? For 12 years? Probably quite a few based on the strong female following he has...but I digress. The point here is that Cody is the literal actual best. =) Then, later that month, we had our first round of IVF! We put two little embryos in & waited. I had the feeling after the first week that I wasn't pregnant, but kept a little bit of hope just in case, because honestly, who ACTUALLY knows that they're pregnant that soon after? Gut feelings are apparently legit, though, because Luke and Leia didn't stick. I went home early from work, sobbed for a couple of hours, and stared blankly at Mysteries at the Museum until I drifted to sleep. I have mostly dealt with that whole thing with a combination of food therapy (a butt load of pizza) and actual thera
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I Am Tired.

I'm tired of putting on a happy face when friends talk about their pregnancies. I'm tired of cooing over babies, wishing they were my own. I'm tired of getting bombarded by baby stuff in group texts.  I'm tired of feeling like a money drain, a bad example of a woman.  I'm tired of having my hopes up just to watch them fall when I have yet another anovulatory cycle. I'm tired of having to write the same things over and over again because nothing has changed.  I'm tired of being jealous. I'm tired of shots and needles and alarms and appointments. I'm tired of making Cody sad. I'm tired of feeling like I'm running out of time. I'm tired of avoiding pregnant women because when I'm around them too long I start to get really sad and then I end up going home and sobbing. I'm tired of sad crying. I'm tired of feeling like a shitty friend. I'm tired of feeling like I have disappointed my family, my friends, and Cody.
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In which Kirstie dusts off the blog to bitch about being a dud

So, if you haven't noticed, I don't have a kid. Not by choice, but because my body has decided hormonal  anarchy is the best option for everyone (I beg to differ) and refuses to let me ovulate on my own. I am infertile. I am working on being okay with this. If you ever have the "privilege" to use United Healthcare for infertility uh, I would avoid it. Every single time I have had to get injectables (3x now), we've had to argue with them. Now, in the latest debacle, a med they had previously approved they refuse to now because "I don't meet criteria" how the actual hell do I not meet criteria? I DON'T OVULATE ON MY OWN AND THAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE MEDICATION IN QUESTION. Also, they will only pay $5,000 lifetime max for meds. If you are so lucky to not be aware, FERTILITY MEDICATIONS ARE EXPENSIVE AF. One round of Menopur is almost $1,500. Gonal-F is more than that. And that's just the medications, I'm leaving out any procedures because
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Tater, tots!

I don't have a topic, or any amount of brain tonight, so a jumble post it is. I know that's what you were hoping for. Complete and utter bollocks. 1) Thanksgiving has come and gone and so have the regrets I had for eating as much as I did. This is my IDGAF face. You can't see me, but trust that I have this face ._. I made pie crust cookies and pumpkin pie and that theme is why I am the way I am. Body by carbs! 2) I'm not irreparably broken, so far!! Kind of was 100% sure I was only going to be a dog mom for the rest of my life which, I mean, at least dogs give you some sort of affection and are excited to see you. Kind of want a human baby in addition to the furry kind but for now, apparently, that's all I get. But maybe in 2 months we'll know more, and maybe I'll have a kid by next Christmas? I have to pretend to stay positive. I also may or may not have bought a gender neutral duckie onesie. SHUT UP 3) There is a chick at work who is super nutso Chri
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HAHAHA WELP

(I have had the JOY of having to type this all. over. again. Thanks, giant man hands and inappropriately placed back buttons...) I have kind of forgotten about you, wee little defenseless bloggy friend! I decided to dust this little guy off to be a little overflow place for all the stuff I've got going on in my life. I usually try to keep Facebook posts to like, less than 3 a day and lately it's been hard to do that. I've had a lot going on lately, although a lot of it is on the boring side.  Unfortunately, I like to talk about the boring stuff, and my friends and husband get tired of hearing me spout off about one insignificant thing or another all the time. So I'm writing it. Excuse me if it's rambly...I've never been one for outlines or drafts. Sorry, not sorry. You came for ill organized rambles, right? Well GOOD NEWS. 1) Cody and I are doing Atkins. I hate every single moment of it. I can't get it together enough in the morning to make myself a pr
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4 Simple Goals

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   The crapton of snow we just got last night makes me realize...holy crap, it's December!! Well, that, and the fact I want to fling myself off a bridge onto a plane heading somewhere, ANYWHERE southern. Everyone else is thinking about parties and booze and gifts & mistletoe & shit, and I'm just thinking about all of the error codes I'm gonna have to put down on my documents at work for the first 3 to 4 months out of the year because I'm derpy enough to not remember it's 2014. Also, for a smaller proportion of time, I'm thinking about resolutions.    There's some statistic (probably) saying that most resolutions are dead by the end of January, if not sooner. Well, obviously I do want to make some goals for myself, and I don't want them to be dead by January because what the hell is the point, then? Most resolutions are lofty, grandiose statements that are (probably) 50% goal & 50% "i want to impress the person who's asking me what
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Dusting Cobwebs

I'm not dead. I mean, obviously...you're reading this and I can assure you it's not FROM BEYONNNNND. Also check out my Facebook, Twitter, & Tumblr . I've been busy . (and by busy I mean I have been making a pretty solid dent on the couch) I just never feel like I have anything of worth to say. I have lots of little nuggets that get 3 likes on FB and liked by my cousin & one friend on Twitter (SHOUT OUT TO LINDSI & KRISTEN HAYY), but nothing of importance. I could write about how I'm also never on my computer anymore...mostly because it won't charge unless the nubbin for the port is in the EXACT right spot so parking it in front of the tee vee isn't so much an option anymore, but also because I have a smart phone. Finally, I have joined the technology age. Yes, I am 73 years old, actually. Other things I have been up to: Futzing around on my new phone. Things I hate about it: not able to text and drive as well (THANKS, APPLE), the fact that
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