They say we are asleep until we fall in love...
April was very eventful. Cody announced, on his birthday, that he had bought us tickets to New York City to see The Great Comet in June. I cried...who else can say they have a husband willing to be a 3rd wheel to Josh Groban? For 12 years? Probably quite a few based on the strong female following he has...but I digress. The point here is that Cody is the literal actual best. =) Then, later that month, we had our first round of IVF! We put two little embryos in & waited. I had the feeling after the first week that I wasn't pregnant, but kept a little bit of hope just in case, because honestly, who ACTUALLY knows that they're pregnant that soon after? Gut feelings are apparently legit, though, because Luke and Leia didn't stick. I went home early from work, sobbed for a couple of hours, and stared blankly at Mysteries at the Museum until I drifted to sleep. I have mostly dealt with that whole thing with a combination of food therapy (a butt load of pizza) and actual therapy (which I've been going to for almost a year now). Nothing much more to say about that, other than Suck City.
Shortly after that craptastic day, The Great Comet soundtrack came out & I have listened to almost literally nothing since. (If you think I'm exaggerating for comedic reasons Ima have to tell you, you are very wrong. I listen to it at work for 8 hours. It's a 2 hour sound track. It's been out for 2 weeks. I'll let you do the math), Lately. I have been violently excitedly planning the trip to go see it, and daydreaming about what it's going to be like and what our seats are like and Oh My God What If I Get A Heath Letter and JESUS CHRIST PIEROGIES and seeing Josh again and handing him my painting (that he retweeted!!!!!! Cue me screaming and hitting Cody in the middle of Target at 9PM) and retweeting memes that almost none of my followers on twitter understandand...and I honestly haven't thought of this next IVF cycle that's coming up for more than a couple minutes..
I haven't had something so wonderful and good and complex and completely positive to completely occupy my brain in a LONG time. I am infinitely grateful to everyone involved in making The Great Comet because these tiny blissful moments when I am singing along with Natasha, pining for Andre (who isn't here) or scream singing with Marya D (NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU or getting real emotional (and boned up tbqh) when Pierre does...anything or dancing (albeit containedly only because I'm usually at work) to Balaga are precious, and few and far between the last few months. It seems so cheesy and doofy to owe at least part of my happiness to a broadway show but here we are.
I have always been into music and theater. I didn't really ever want to act, mostly because I was painfully shy as a kid, but also because I CAN'T act to save my life despite my proclivity to be, um, slightly over dramatic. If anyone says anything negative about show choir, so help me god, I will swing. My flute is still played every once in a while, just to prove to myself that I can. I donated a few times to Josh's foundation (Find Your Light Foundation...I added the link so you don't have to google. You're welcome!). But this...I haven't felt so connected to and grateful for a cast and composer. I can't pinpoint any one thing that stands out (other than Pierre and his big big hands HOT DAMN) that makes me so happy, so maybe it's all of it. A diverse cast, damn good music, positivity, a good story, attractive men, huge talent...it just reminds me of buttery mashed potatoes. Comfort.
I just...yknow, when you've had 3 years of tiny victories followed by bigger setbacks, it's comforting to know I still can feel unadulterated joy with no fear attached to it. And for 2 hours of my day, my brain is quiet, and I am happy.
Shortly after that craptastic day, The Great Comet soundtrack came out & I have listened to almost literally nothing since. (If you think I'm exaggerating for comedic reasons Ima have to tell you, you are very wrong. I listen to it at work for 8 hours. It's a 2 hour sound track. It's been out for 2 weeks. I'll let you do the math), Lately. I have been violently excitedly planning the trip to go see it, and daydreaming about what it's going to be like and what our seats are like and Oh My God What If I Get A Heath Letter and JESUS CHRIST PIEROGIES and seeing Josh again and handing him my painting (that he retweeted!!!!!! Cue me screaming and hitting Cody in the middle of Target at 9PM) and retweeting memes that almost none of my followers on twitter understandand...and I honestly haven't thought of this next IVF cycle that's coming up for more than a couple minutes..
I haven't had something so wonderful and good and complex and completely positive to completely occupy my brain in a LONG time. I am infinitely grateful to everyone involved in making The Great Comet because these tiny blissful moments when I am singing along with Natasha, pining for Andre (who isn't here) or scream singing with Marya D (NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU or getting real emotional (and boned up tbqh) when Pierre does...anything or dancing (albeit containedly only because I'm usually at work) to Balaga are precious, and few and far between the last few months. It seems so cheesy and doofy to owe at least part of my happiness to a broadway show but here we are.
I have always been into music and theater. I didn't really ever want to act, mostly because I was painfully shy as a kid, but also because I CAN'T act to save my life despite my proclivity to be, um, slightly over dramatic. If anyone says anything negative about show choir, so help me god, I will swing. My flute is still played every once in a while, just to prove to myself that I can. I donated a few times to Josh's foundation (Find Your Light Foundation...I added the link so you don't have to google. You're welcome!). But this...I haven't felt so connected to and grateful for a cast and composer. I can't pinpoint any one thing that stands out (other than Pierre and his big big hands HOT DAMN) that makes me so happy, so maybe it's all of it. A diverse cast, damn good music, positivity, a good story, attractive men, huge talent...it just reminds me of buttery mashed potatoes. Comfort.
I just...yknow, when you've had 3 years of tiny victories followed by bigger setbacks, it's comforting to know I still can feel unadulterated joy with no fear attached to it. And for 2 hours of my day, my brain is quiet, and I am happy.
Comments
Post a Comment