Sweat is Fat Crying. Also Crying: Me.

  I am not a fitness buff. I am not pumped about going to the gym. I have always abhorred P.E. with the passion reserved for cult leaders and Beliebers. I would much prefer being fed cookie bites by Cody while having palm fronds waved in my general area. Therefore, I am a little beefier than I would prefer.

   Our apartment complex, due to lack of a gym in any of the buildings, had a partnership with a local gym, and offered new members free membership & 1 free personal training session. I was bored, & figured I might as well try the training thing. I got sucked in, and that worked out extremely well for me--without even dieting, I lost 20 pounds. I was starting to feel pretty again. (I promise you, that last sentence sounds way sadder than it was. I think I'm pretty now, just with a little more insulation than I really need/want.)

   Anyway, my trainer got canned, and I got poor, and the 20 pounds came back with friends.  Now, a normal person would be "well, my trainer got fired, but I was with him twice a week for about 7.5 months. I can just do what he told me to do and it'll be fine". I'll wait so you guys can laugh.  I haven't gone back into that gym but MAYBE twice in the 6 months I've been without a trainer. I'm sure the last time I went in, the guy at the front desk checked to see if there was a flying pig scooting across the sky over Jordan Creek.

Fast forward to last month, where we got a letter from our apartment complex. Usually these are "due to the wind blowing south for approximately 2.37 hours yesterday, your rent will now be an arm, a leg, and your first born child" so I was, needless to say, wary as to what the envelope contained. Luckily, our rent was/is still only an arm and a leg. My first born is safe for now. The letter inside the envelope had info about how we had this partnership with the first gym but people are needy so surprise, we got a new gym! It's got classes, and a pool, and much to Cody's delight, a punching bag. I'm really excited about this because classes mean people telling me what to do so I don't have to wander around, sad and confused, all "WHAT IS WEIGHTS?!" But here's where my crippling social anxiety comes into play.

5 ( Really Stupid) Reasons Kirstie Probably Won't Utilize Classes

1. I scoped out the gym's Facebook page and they had pictures of fit people all smiley during their classes. Last I checked, I have never smiled during any kind of workout. Mostly I look determined, or near death. Also, I have about 50 to 90 pounds on all these women they show on their FB page--and it's not just stock models, they're legit people that go to classes at our gym. This is the problem with living in the Hoity-Toity area of DSM...trophy wives.
2. I get obscenely embarrassed when I screw up. I cannot count the amount of times I cried during choreography from show choir in high school. I don't tend to want to continue if I'm not good at something. What's up, negative personality traits?!
3. I do not look pretty when I work out. The rational part of my brain is saying "Um, Heidi Klum looks like a beat mess when she gets done with a work out. Doesn't look like any man on the planet cares". Social Anxiety part of my brain gives Rational Brain the finger & steps forward.
4. Good god I hate being sweaty. Girl thing? Lazy person thing? Stupid reason? Yes to all.
5. I hate doing things by myself. Cody'll do it a couple times with me, take a break, & never want to go back, and I have always taken the easy route so sleepy times? Yes please.

5 (Legitimate) Reasons Kirstie Should Utilize Classes

1. As much as Mr. Newton tells me I look beautiful & normal, I want more "foxy" days than "busted can of biscuits" days.
2. Maybe I can make friends? (On a side note, do I even want that? Introvert Problems)
3. I have so many clothes I would like to wear, & if I lost some weight, I could wear them again.
4. Something new to talk about at work other than how much more exciting everyone else's day was.
5. Oh, I don't know, health reasons? Last I checked, science says it's good to work out and eat leafy greens and such.

I'll just suck it up and go at the buttcrack of dawn. That way, my evening schedule of making an ass-sized dent in the couch will go undisturbed. Anyone want to give me more reasons for going to class? =)