Koala-tea


Oh geez..this blogger template is kind of intimidating. It's reminding me of an empty word document...am I back in school? OH GOD I DIDN'T DO AN OUTLINE. What is my topic?

As of right now, I don't know. I don't cook so I can't really do a cooking blog, I don't work out, so that's shot...I'm literally the most boring person on the planet. This is a quality basis to start a blog out on. Maybe lists? I'm pretty much a champ at lists, and dark comedy. But as I've had a couple good mojitos, dark comedy isn't working right now, plus also my husband is playing Portal 2, and that is distracting me.

I feel like I should have my life together, as I AM married, and just bought a new car. That is pretty much not the case. Most days I would much rather just pretend like I was 18, and play video games and sleep most of the day. Maybe go on a run but HAHAHA let's not kid ourselves. Blogs are not for half formed lies. I don't even feel like I'm a "woman". I mean, technically, I am, because, you know, "the miracle of menses" but I am only half taking care of myself. I mean, I figure if some of the losers from my high school class have houses & children and alcohol problems, then I can, I don't know, call to get my insurance changed over from my maiden name, fix the coat hanger on the door which is currently hanging from one 3M strip & pick up my clothes from the floor. I'm sure my mother is appalled at the skills/motivation that I am lacking.

However, I have come out of my mojito stupor enough to have compiled a list of reasons I know I'm an adult, paired with a list of reasons I shouldn't be allowed to live without someone responsible.

TEN REASONS KIRSTIE IS A GROWNUP WHO IS DOING OKAY

  1. I have a husband who sometimes is a complete idiot, but loves me way more than he really should (i'm a giant B sometimes, you guys)
  2. I have a job. It pays me money, and allows me to have benefits AND vacation time. I'm not paid well, nor do I have good vacation time but I have it, and that's enough for me.
  3. I can pay my bills literally EVERY month. That is the most adult thing I can say.
  4. Sleeping in on the weekends consists of me waking up at 8:15 AM and being okay with it.
  5. I know current events, and not just who Taylor Swift is dating. 
  6. I voted, and I got irritated about politics. If that doesn't make someone old, I don't know what is.
  7. I can't wear flip flops or flats every day & not pay for it later. I have given up what little fashion I have for a $75 pair of Nikes, arch supports, and a little wedge for my short leg (i am such a catch, you guys)
  8. I went into Charlotte Russe & walked out awkwardly not because the biggest size was like a 10 pant, but because I saw half the stuff & went "that is not a shirt. That is a bra." and "The 90s were tacky when we were in them, let alone now". This is also applicable for Delias, Forever 21, and the junior's section of department stores. I sound like a crotchety old woman when I shop.
  9. I just bought a relatively new car. Like, 2011 new. That is only 2 years old (or I guess 3 in car years?)
  10. I have legitimate wall art & couches in my apartment. 2 years ago, I had a futon, a poster of a flower, a poster of David Beckham, and a poster of Josh Groban. Now I have some metal circle thing from Target, wedding pictures, and comfy, if not slightly ugly, couches! Adulthood is having an actual couch.
TEN REASONS KIRSTIE SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT IN HER PRESENCE
  1. The amount of clothes I have on the floor in my bedroom is appalling. I am sitting here, writing about it, rather than, I don't know, putting them away?
  2. Cooking is way too much of a burden. Cutting chicken after weighing up dog poop (oh yeah, that is part of my job, check me out, take me in) & standing for 8 hours is really too much. 
  3. I'm really just hoping Cody starts making a metric ass-ton of money because working sucks. Basically I want to put an ass-sized dent in the couch and read all day.
  4. I don't have a house, because I didn't even think about that until a couple months before C & I got married. When will we have a house? Who freakin' knows, at this point.
  5. It took me 4.5 months post wedding to change my name at work & on my insurance cards. I'm sure some places still think i'm unmarried.
  6. The last time I went to the gym was like, 2 months ago. I went on a walk with Cody to get pizza for my last exercise related endevor.
  7. I hate vegetables. I will eat a salad, but only under the influence of people who may judge me for NOT getting one.
  8. Do I own stocks? Have I bought stocks? I'm not even entirely sure I know what a stock is. I know if you buy stocks in the boardgame Life, and someone spins your number, you get money. That's like real life, right?
  9. When was the last time I washed my sheets? Before last weekend, when was the last time I thoroughly cleaned the bathroom? Those are both questions I don't have answers to.
  10. All of my friends are going to grad school, or are in grad school. I'm hoping for a sudden windfall, because going back to school is like my own version of Auschwitz.
BONUS
  11. I just made an Auschwitz joke. Who does that?

I'll leave you with a series of gifs that I am feeling because obviously expressing feelings is easier in animated pictures of celebrities.




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